nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
