dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
