do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He did a backflip because drugs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
