i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
