That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I checked into jail on foursquare
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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