Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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