Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
