Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did i walk over a car last night?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
