A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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