please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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