i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
