I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
