Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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