Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize