I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
