He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
