yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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