I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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