508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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