And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
