this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My ass is underappreciated
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
