I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
