i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
