Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
