I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize