So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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