Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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