new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
God, I missed his penis.
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