Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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