If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
