last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
