Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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