So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
