you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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