I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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