Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
