I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize