I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
