I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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