Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
