fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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