the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i think i just lost a toe
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
