you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
