genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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