the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
bring money and cleavage
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
