Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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