i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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