I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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