I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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