So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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