since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
