He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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