I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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