Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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