wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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