We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If that was your dad, he is hot
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
