pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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