Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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