Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize