i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
