I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
