We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
