Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
