the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
