nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
