So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
