She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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