It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
