im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
