is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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