Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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