I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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