girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
