Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
