shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
