dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
