broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i've created a new STD.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
