he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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