Need sex. Gaining weight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
