Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
