It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
