I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
