WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Blood and glitter go together right?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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