I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
