what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
