Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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