weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She bit a glass in half.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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