so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
