I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm at about main and main street
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
