where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
