Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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