There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize