I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
