i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
