I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
