we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
