If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
