That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
