listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
