I will die if light touches me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
