craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
