so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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