I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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