Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
