not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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