Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
