I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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