Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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